she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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