do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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