i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
