So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize