In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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