Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
