I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's no shave November. This is our time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
