when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
