I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
