How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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