I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You are a genius and a whore.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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