Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
