He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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