Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
