Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
