Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
