i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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