After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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