So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
