dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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