Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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