y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
