Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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