Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
