farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
