Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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