I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
