my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize