if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
