i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
