First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
