I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
