I want to make a zoo with you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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