I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
