saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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