Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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