i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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