1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
