Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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