even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
