I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
