Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
