your parents love me but you hate me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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