Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
