More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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