WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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