This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
