i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
