Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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