God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
