Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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