The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
