i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
