I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
