FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
