his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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