My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
soo... how was my night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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