is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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