Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
