Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize