hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
