Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
