WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
