It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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