Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
