If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
