You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
